


Train Tracks

by Preqame



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Abstract, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drabble, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Preqame/pseuds/Preqame
Summary: Nathan walks back home from school.
Kudos: 12





	Train Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off my Kazemaru fursona's story. Nathan is 'regular' kazemaru while 'Kaz' is dark emperor Kazemaru.

Heading back home. 

A lot of things can happen between a point and its destination. For Nathan, it was the long quiet roads, the echo of concrete and that… song. That never ending melody, ringing in his head. Some days that tune was quiet or even better yet completely gone. For others, it would be loud and drowning- times where Nathan couldn't even hear his own thoughts. 

It was going to be one of those times, he thought. He just knew it. Be it from habit or just an uneasy feeling. 

Nathan has been staying late after school and not for any logical reason. He always hated leaving in a crowd, and he lacked the energy to leave school in a hurry. So he waited. Waited until the sun set and that he was sure his path would be barren. It would be easier to deal with the noise alone. He wouldn't want to cause a scene. 

He wouldn't want to hurt anyone. 

Nathan stopped in his tracks at the impulse thoughts. "Don't be silly," he whispers to himself before turning a corner and seeing the familiar train station. He wasn't planning on riding any trains, only passing through them. 

With a quick pull on his backpack and a light shake in his shoe, Nathan walked once again. He kept shaking his left foot as if there was a rock inside despite walking. 

"Wouldn't it be funny to lay on those tracks," he whispered to no one, not even himself. The sweet playful melody running in his head and Nathan could swear he felt a hum in his throat. "In my head… in my veins," 

Clap. Tak. Tak. 

The first steps of Nathan's shoes slamming against concrete stairs. His descent. He needed to go underground to pass the railroad he so lovingly wants to laze on one day. His descent. Descending. As if it wasn't already so dark, the further he climbed down, the quieter the song. 

He could feel the leftover sunlight on his back, he needn't look back. He couldn't look back. He kept climbing down the endless tunnel. 

Tak. Tak. Shuffle. 

Another quick pull on his bag as he reached the bottom. Before him stretched the tunnel, but Nathan didn't bother lifting his head. There was never a path to begin with. 

"Look at me," he whispered. The tunnels carried his voice. "At who?" He clicked his tongue a couple of times for fun. 

He was alone. He didn't need to suppress the noises, the actions and things he did other people judged. Why do you do this? Is all they ask. 

Why not. Is all he says. 

Does he need a reason, a reason to be. 

"You need to disappear," 

The melody crashed into his brain. Swirling and bumping into each other. Screaming at Nathan to run, stand still. 

"Look at me," instead of the remaining warmth of sunlight on his back Nathan felt the burning gaze of a predator. "Look at me look at me look at me look at m

"I wonder what's for dinner," Nathan interrupted the melody. "Maybe I can order takeout and get it delivered,"

The melody. Infatuated. 

"You'll starve. Where would you get the energy to eat. How can you take care of yourself when you know-" 

Nathan started walking forward again.

"-when you know you're not deserving of it?" 

The melody is always so desperate to irritate Nathan. He found a way to just let it be, despite how pushy it can achieve. 

"I deserve everything for just being," Nathan responds, knowing that he shouldn't but he felt… reckless. He had given up, that's true. "I deserve better. I deserve nothing, and that's truly the best," he goes on, he reached the halfway mark of the tunnel. The smell of mildew and expired piss played at his cells. 

Remember that one time you crushed your finger in a lemon press?

Nathan's neck tilted but repositioned itself. "Funny funny," it giggled behind him. 

"Isn't it funny? Why aren't you laughing? Why aren't you weeping in joy?"

"Nathan." The voice was at the end of the tunnel but it reached him closely. He stopped right at the end, right in front of the stairs. 

"Stop lying to yourself and everyone all the time. Stop putting on this facade and this spiel of charades,"

He rubbed his eyes and picked at a scab while he waited for the melody to stop, before looping again. 

"You and me already know how badly you want to run away, forget everyone, forget yourself and become someone else,"

"I do," Nathan finally responded. He climbs onto the first steps. "But I've come so far, I wouldn't run away from my progress."

Tak….Tak…

"One day I'll lie on the train tracks with you, Kaz, not today. One day." He finally named the melody. 

It lingered in the tunnel. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just basing it off my own experience with DID and projecting onto my two favorite characters lol
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hold them dear to my heart.


End file.
